Time passes so slowly but yet so fast. I constantly feel like I am waiting for something but not sure what that is. The hope that he will walk through the door and everything will be ok again? The hope that I will stop crying at the drop of a hat? Or, the hope that this awful rollercoaster will come to a stop? I really don’t know but I feel like I am in limbo. It’s like I can’t go forward and I also can never go back. So here I am. Again. Grieving for the future I have lost and for the man I will never see, touch, hear and laugh with again. The void is gigantic and looking into it scares me so I try to fill it with keeping busy. Tonight, I am too tired to be busy so I am falling and he isn’t here to catch me.
I want this limbo to stop and fast forward me into the future. The future where I will smile more at the amazing memories we made, rather than sobbing when i think about not being able to make more of them. The future where I smile more than I cry, the one people tell me will come in time.
I miss him and us so much.