Silence…..

As the saying goes…….is almost deafening. The kids are all out doing their own thing and it’s so quiet. I miss the laughter and the way we used to live for our Friday night’s because we had 2 whole days to be together. I had today off work, the first ‘random one where it wasn’t because I had to be somewhere or do something in particular. It’s been a very very long day. I had lunch with my beautiful eldest daughter, did some food shopping, a couple of errands and the gone home……..and went to bed for a couple of hours. How very rock and roll.

I went to bed mainly to pass some time because it was dragging and also because sometimes, an overwhelming exhaustion just takes over. It’s so tiring just getting through a day sometimes. I think it’s because the constant emotional and physical mood swings from up to down are so frequent, it just rocks you.

Keeping busy can be a godsend but for those times when you HAVE to stop, the loneliness and longing for what you once had just smacks you straight in the mouth……..over and over again.

I have started counselling which makes the sadness erupt for a long time after but it is already apparent that keeping as busy as I do, might not be the best thing as I am not allowing myself to let go. After my long long day off work today, I don’t know if I want to not be busy. It’s so quiet without him. I don’t like quiet.

I miss you my darling .

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