Wow, how is it over 2 months since I posted? Life has been hectic without a doubt and its been a mixture of pleasure and saying more goodbyes.
When I lost Dave, everything about the future changed. That is what gave me the idea for the name of my blog as sometimes getting through every hour was difficult. Over time, I established a sort of routine which was incredibly important to me to help me get through those early days especially. Going from sharing everything to doing it alone, there HAD to be a routine. There were aspects of life however, where the responsibility I had taken on was far too much and at the New Year, as you know, I recognised it was time to start making some decisions that were difficult but were becoming important for my own wellbeing. Be kind to myself, which as I have blogged about before is something people say to me all of the time and I needed to be. I let go of that responsibility around 6 weeks ago and although it was difficult, I know it was the right thing to do, not just for me but for everyone else concerned.
I cant believe the difference it has made. Any plans that had been made changed forever in March 2017 but now, for the first time, I feel that I have the space, the time and the ability to plan and look forward to the new future that has to be made. I have a lot to look forward to and a lot of wonderful, loving, amazing people to do it with. People who have been in my life forever, people that have come into my life because of Dave, people who I’ve met because of the journey I’m on, people I have recently met and people I’ll meet in the future. Dave was adamant that I should live life and carry on, not a conversation you ever want to have but we did have it several times and its only really in the last few weeks that I feel it is something I can actually do. Its going to be difficult at times, I know that, but as ever, I wont be doing it alone, and I will just be doing it differently.
Sometimes, its pretty ironic how the way you feel can be interpreted into things you see. I went out into the garden tonight. In March, my wonderful school friends bought me a rosebush to mark Dave’s anniversary. Now for those of you who know me well, I am no gardener. However, tonight I saw a lovely red rose had bloomed and there are several new buds on it too. A kiss from Dave’s rose? Let’s hope so and that he is smiling down and watching me grow into a new future.
“And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the gray” – Seal